Helpful Hints #01
So I never got around to having kids.
The last meaningful relationship convinced me for a time that I wanted to, about three months before it ended (and that being about three years ago). But since then I've reverted to my previous stance that I'm probably too fucking old (a position reinforced by the last half a year or so of watching my father waste away to nothing)
So I figure since I don't have kids, and don't figure that anyone's going to be interested in raising them with me at this point, I'll start a new series on this blog wherein, every so often, I'll drop a few bits of helpful info that I would otherwise have tried to pass on to my progeny... Call it my version of dear Abby, except with more practical and realistic advice, and less answering dumbass questions from folks who can't sort out their own shit.
Anyway, Helpful Hints (ep#01) {Masturbation, Acquired Tastes and Snob Appeal)
Always spank it (or rub one out, as the case may be) before going on a date, especially a first date.
Ok, so this serves the same purpose as having a little something to eat before going to the grocery store. Keeps you from making as many impulse purchases, leaves you feeling kinda sated, generally makes it easier to say no to the things that you know are bad for you.
Always try to eat a little something before going to the grocery store.
(See above)
Try not to acquire any "acquired tastes"
Acquired taste is a nice way of saying 'it sucks, but you get use to it'.
Now some of these acquired tastes are born of necessity. You have to those snotty looking things in the tidal basin because there's nothing else, pretty soon you find a way to make them almost palatable, and convince your neighbors that they're a delicacy.
OR
You're with someone who has a certain kink, you enjoy yourself, you meet someone down the line and engage in some kinky shit with them, and so forth.
Unfortunately, many acquired tastes are expensive (and are often only acquired by people seeking the acceptance of snobs and other unsavory sorts). You drink the expensive, oily, foul tasting liqueur because it's weird and cool, because a certain group claims to enjoy it and you want to emulate them, because it's a status symbol, etc.
Trust me, you'll be much happier if you just enjoy the things you enjoy.
Snob appeal is the destructive hobby of a crumbling society.
The last meaningful relationship convinced me for a time that I wanted to, about three months before it ended (and that being about three years ago). But since then I've reverted to my previous stance that I'm probably too fucking old (a position reinforced by the last half a year or so of watching my father waste away to nothing)
So I figure since I don't have kids, and don't figure that anyone's going to be interested in raising them with me at this point, I'll start a new series on this blog wherein, every so often, I'll drop a few bits of helpful info that I would otherwise have tried to pass on to my progeny... Call it my version of dear Abby, except with more practical and realistic advice, and less answering dumbass questions from folks who can't sort out their own shit.
Anyway, Helpful Hints (ep#01) {Masturbation, Acquired Tastes and Snob Appeal)
Always spank it (or rub one out, as the case may be) before going on a date, especially a first date.
Ok, so this serves the same purpose as having a little something to eat before going to the grocery store. Keeps you from making as many impulse purchases, leaves you feeling kinda sated, generally makes it easier to say no to the things that you know are bad for you.
Always try to eat a little something before going to the grocery store.
(See above)
Try not to acquire any "acquired tastes"
Acquired taste is a nice way of saying 'it sucks, but you get use to it'.
Now some of these acquired tastes are born of necessity. You have to those snotty looking things in the tidal basin because there's nothing else, pretty soon you find a way to make them almost palatable, and convince your neighbors that they're a delicacy.
OR
You're with someone who has a certain kink, you enjoy yourself, you meet someone down the line and engage in some kinky shit with them, and so forth.
Unfortunately, many acquired tastes are expensive (and are often only acquired by people seeking the acceptance of snobs and other unsavory sorts). You drink the expensive, oily, foul tasting liqueur because it's weird and cool, because a certain group claims to enjoy it and you want to emulate them, because it's a status symbol, etc.
Trust me, you'll be much happier if you just enjoy the things you enjoy.
Snob appeal is the destructive hobby of a crumbling society.
posted by Murph | 1:48 AM
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