Things I think about when I can't get to sleep.

Do you need a silencer to shoot a mime?
If the majority of the universe is made up of nothing, why is there never enough space?
Paper or plastic?
Scented or unscented?
Regular or extra crispy?
Do I really want fries with that?
Who really shot J.R.
Does this tuna contain dolphin; does dolphin count as brain food?
What do they make the low carb bread out of?
Whatever happened to baby Jane?
Why is there a "Property of Nookie Monster" sticker on the telephone pole up the road?
Why does all the produce these days taste like styrofoam?
Am I Rock, Paper, or Scissors?
Where has all the cabbage gone?
When ships were made of wood men were forged from iron, when ships were made of iron men were carved of wood, what are men made of in the age of plastic?
How many people own address books without any names in them?
What the hell is that smell?
Is the moon waxing or waning?
If there are dogs, why wouldn't someone let them out?
Do you think Ghandi ever got athletes foot?
Who was the first person to eat an oyster?
Is that my foot or someone else's?
Is there really such a thing as too many file cards?
Do city people know what the stars look like?
What if my nephew's cat really did run off to join the circus?
If God made man, who made God?
If man made God, who made man?
Would knowing the answer make me a better person?
Would knowing the answer make me not have to get up early and go to work tomorrow?
Would knowing the answer make the world a better place?
A safer place?
A more beautiful place?
Would it make a difference?
Would it spark a war?
Bring peace?
Both at once?
Would anyone really give a shit?
Would it be enough to snuff out the small spark of life on this otherwise insignificant chunk of cosmic debris?
Would our passing be noted by the larger universe?
Or would the legacy of our species pass quietly into oblivion?
A solitary flash of consciousness to be extinguished without pomp or ceremony, uncounted by even the most anal retentive auditors of a cold and uncaring universe.
Has anyone seen my socks?

Who are you and what are you doing here?
Would you like a candy apple?