Paradox

So she says she isn't interested in talking if I'm angry or sad over her leaving...
The sad thing is, I wasn't angry at first,
I really wasn't,
just sad.

Now though, that I've had a chance to re-read all the emails and text messages, to remember her cliche responses to some very basic questions while she was breaking up with me, over the phone, I find I'm becoming angry. 

I think this might mean that I'm not going to be able to talk to her for a couple of years, because I don't see not being either sad or angry for some time to come.

But it shouldn't bother her, according to the second to the last message I received from her, she's moved on, and I need to do the same.  I don't want to, but who in life gets what they want?  

I hope whoever she has moved on with treats her well, that he can give her the life she wants and deserves, and I hope that if he does, she doesn't cut and run when things get difficult.

(Just because she no longer loves me doesn't mean that I don't still feel love for her, to spite myself, and against my better judgement it seems. ) 

Damn I wish I could still drink.



Shit, maybe I should change my title from tired and angry to sad and angry...

Eh, fuck it, I'm still tired, so it's still honest.