Quiet.

Even the 'anonymous' postings on the internet seem to have finally ceased.

It's been months since anyone has felt the need to rub my nose in my romantic misfortune.

Weeks without any cryptic innuendo or veiled suggestion of impropriety from the shit stirrers in my life.

This of course is a source of concern, a small crisis of identity...

After all, if I'm no longer even a magnet for bullshit, am I still in any way relevant?

All this angst, feels almost Shakespearian...

-Now is the winter of our butthurt solitude
made obnoxious spring by this rightous pain in the arse;
and all the crap that landed o'er our house
in the low saggy titties of the marshland buried
now are our furrowed brows facepalmed in relief
our bruised egos assuaged in gentled oblivion
our general pissyness converted to ass kissy joviality
our angsty whininess subverted for the time being...-

You get the picture...

I'm not sure if this is due to my deciding (after this last snubbing) that I wasn't going to subject myself to this bullshit anymore, or if it's because of the rather short conversation I had with a random mutual acquaintance.  (and the things she had to say about my situation, having experienced part of it from another vantage point). 

Funny how a small town can be like that.

G introduces herself to me at a party and starts telling stories about her former room mate, and I don't put two and two together for more than a week. 

Funny how a small town can be like that.






But that's life, in glory and tragedy resplendent.

But, for the time being at least, I'm done being an accessory.

Especially for someone who wouldn't be bothered to piss on me if I were on fire.


I never held back, if anything I tried to push forward.

I never talked down, if anything I tried to prop up.

I never undermined confidence, I spent years trying to help develop it.

And when the time came to chose between what I wanted, and what you needed, I chose the latter.


I can accept a cold shoulder and cold counsel; but I don't think I need to embrace this role that's been presented for me.


There are other actors who can play the part much better.