I don't give a shit on Friday.

Since you opened this, the merciless fires of eternal suffering and damnation will be unleashed upon you, and you will writhe in unimaginable agony until the end of existence.

And if that wasn't enough, our lord Jesus Christ himself will descend from heaven, slaughter your pets, steal all your CDs, and take a shit in your mailbox. Then your significant other will break up with you, and you'll have five years of bad luck.

This is no joke!

Unless, of course, you give me $20 and a blowjob. Only then will you be saved. You ignorant, superstitious ass.

If you're tired of seeing the same obnoxious, unimaginative chain letters floating around, add your name to the list below and repost this bulletin with the title "I don't give a shit on [the day you opened it]". Only you can prevent forest fires.