Rambling Transference

So we've all heard of or know people who keep having the same relationship over and over.

You know, the one who's always dating the guy who beats the shit out of her, or the girl who cheats on him, or the player of either gender or whatever.

Doomed to unhappiness and repeated failure, and we all say 'aw, he/she just can't seem to catch a break' and secretly feel just a teensy bit superior because we don't notice those same patterns (all be it in a less volatile and easily recognizable paradigm) in ourselves.

That's one of the reasons I think I tend to go a while between relationships (that and I'm not terribly attractive, fun to be around, or wealthy... But I'll go with the more flattering reason for the purpose of this rant).

So anyway.  After several months of reflection I noticed something different about the last relationship.

I don't think we were playing out our usual relationship type.

On closer inspection I think we were playing out the opposite end of the last relationship we were both in.

Example (sanitized of course).

The relationship I was in before this last one, I left the area to take a more interesting job (she was planning to follow but never found work, and eventually we gave up).  She introduced me to some new experiences that I'd never had before.  She was a steady person in my life when I needed one, and I wish we could have stayed in touch.

The relationship I am (not so) freshly out of.  She left the area to take a more interesting job (I was planning to follow but never found work and eventually we gave up).  I introduced her to some new experiences that she'd not had before, and tried to offer steady support when I thought she needed it.



Her relationship before this one.  He had been talking marriage and children, and while she wanted that she didn't think it was the right time.  Ultimately he left the area to take a more interesting job and she was going to follow (but eventually they gave up, and he left her for someone new who he'd knocked up).

With me she had been talking marriage and children for a while ( and though she'd convinced me that a child might someday be an option, I didn't think this was the right time).  Ultimately she left the area and we eventually gave up.

These aren't the only parallels, but I don't have the time or inclination to go through the entire list.  There are others (and no, I don't spend every spare moment obsessing.  It's just that sometimes when I'm performing some mindless task or another a random connection pops into my head.

I keep waiting for the email where she tells me she's pregnant.

I already know how it'll read.

'Hey, so I just wanted to let you know that I'm pregnant.  I didn't mean for it to happen, it's just that I was kinda seeing this guy and, well, one thing lead to another.  I'm so glad for the time we had together, and I wish things had turned out differently but blah blah blah...'

Yeah.  I've read a couple of those in my life. 

I have a feeling that this one is going to sting a bit more though.

I guess this isn't so much a rant as an odd observation.

I know she's looking again, I can't blame her.

I'm kinda half-assed looking myself (came across a craigslist post tonight that really sounded like her, maybe that's why I'm thinking of this).

Still, I wish things had gone differently.







Happy Yanksgiving y'all