Reviewing mental snapshots

Tired
Lonely
Can't fucking sleep.

Nothing new

Sometimes I hope that there is a life after this one, just so I can meet someone who has a sense of humor more warped than mine

See I was ready to take things as far as they would go

But only when they were already almost over

As usual, got things in the wrong order


'Course it's not like it makes much of a difference

One of the upsides to being of the disposable cast is that it really makes no difference what I do, think or feel

Only that I produce when I'm able, and shuffle off quickly when I'm no longer useful


So in a way I suppose I have no right to expect more from my personal relationships than I expect from any other facet of existence


Just another poorly made disposable product for the temporary amusement of whoever is bored enough to give it a shot

I could do without the artificial expectations though

Walking into a situation expecting to be discarded
so much time being told I'm wrong
pretending that might actually be the case
only to find out at the end that I'm not

Might be considered an unpleasant personality trait were it done to an actual person
spending so long reprogramming a mindset only to reinforce it at the end

But being somewhat sub-human
a spare part
disposable commodity
cog in the great machine

I shouldn't be surprised

In the old tongue my first name actually means 'replacement'
so I suppose I have no right to bitch

and spare parts don't have opinions anyway

Anyway, best try to get on with it

there's work to be done