Nostalgic

Just feeling nostalgic today.

And it's weird because I know that many of the things I feel nostalgic for weren't all that good at the time.

Some were, but most of the things I think back fondly on were terrifying and unpleasant at the time.

And many of them were either caused by or resulted  in colossally bad decisions on my part (often disguised as the best choice available).

From the clarity of this vantage point I'm pining away after a long string of personal failures and fuck-upery.

I suppose it's the memory of the rare success.  Or the sense of accomplishment knowing that so few folks are left who made it through some of those little adventurous times.

Or maybe it's just the fact that at the time I was younger and there were more options in front of me. 

Who knows.

I know someday, if I'm lucky, I'll live long enough to be nostalgic for this point in life.  But for the life of me I can't see it right now.

And I can't help but wonder if that's one of those universal experiences,
the past always looks more inviting from a distance.

Oh well, time to sober up and quit being a pussy,
got shit that still needs doing.

Oak, Willow, and Sulpher

we're loadin it up boys
it won't be long now
testing tolerances
and voiding the warranty

those that cannot last will bend

those that cannot bend will break

so block the springs
and bead the bucket

wrap the barrel
and weight the spikes

'cause bend or stand

bow or break

we'll all burn together in the end

Sometimes

Some days I wonder if I have finally gone mad.

And sometimes I look at the world and wonder how I would know if I had.