January 28

Awake with no recollection of sleeping.

Stench of creosote tells me that the old wood stove snuffed it again during the night.

'Pat pat pat' of large wet snowflakes outside the window,
snap and pop of tree limbs,
violent separation,
sap freezes and expands,
pressure builds at the base of the limb,
and 'POP!!!' off it shoots,
raining gobbets of snow,
shards of ice flitting anonymously into the pre-dawn gloom,
sailing without ceremony into the rolling crushed glass tide.

You once told me that there can be no lasting peace in this world.

Gone now to seek peace elsewhere,
separated by miles and memories,
and the fleeting precious time.

Chasing ghosts and hunting memories in a dawn of curling winter mist.

Stalking the Wylie Vicuna.

Coalescing dew distills to frost on the anonymous rear windows of the office-bound hoipolloi in the fog-shrouded roseate pre-dawn light.

Breath condensing to isidioid stalactites in my mustache,
rhythmic crunching of my boots on the frozen turf,
scanning the nearly barren asphalt planes,
quietly whistling a forgotten tune.

Seeking equanimity.

I don't give a shit on Friday.

Since you opened this, the merciless fires of eternal suffering and damnation will be unleashed upon you, and you will writhe in unimaginable agony until the end of existence.

And if that wasn't enough, our lord Jesus Christ himself will descend from heaven, slaughter your pets, steal all your CDs, and take a shit in your mailbox. Then your significant other will break up with you, and you'll have five years of bad luck.

This is no joke!

Unless, of course, you give me $20 and a blowjob. Only then will you be saved. You ignorant, superstitious ass.

If you're tired of seeing the same obnoxious, unimaginative chain letters floating around, add your name to the list below and repost this bulletin with the title "I don't give a shit on [the day you opened it]". Only you can prevent forest fires.

58 degrees 44' north latitude, 3 degrees 7' west longitude

I keep saying the same things over and over.
I don't know why.
Just seems to happen sometimes.

I'll try to change.

The top floor is a bit icy.

Laying on the frozen concrete staring up at the slowly undulating haphazard spiderweb of con-trails as they pierce the clearing haze of brilliant white dots.

Resplendent in shimmering pre-dawn luminescence,
at once encapsulating our unique capacity for beauty and horror,
reminder of our soaring vision,
our cunning mastery,
our base perversion.

Dust Moth

circling the incandescent bulb hanging bare;
dancing the motes, eddies, and micro-convections;
down the minutes counting in complete patience;
drawn by the unfathomable, incomprehensible;
cursed with great energy, short memory, and blessed shortsightedness;
orbit unpredictable, fruitless, and fatal;
accepting fate;
grace in the face of annihilation.

In a pinch, the skin of the narwhal can be an excellent source of Vitamin C.

Sometimes I force myself to learn useless bits of trivia just so I'll have a snappy reply when someone says, "tell me something I don't know". I can't help but wonder if I'm the only person who does this, or if there are a lot of us out here supporting the useless trivia industry.

IN OUR NEXT EXCITING INSTALLMENT

Tune in to see...

if our hero will overcome self-doubt, inebriation, and ever increasing inflation in time to save the world from the evil clutches of Dr. Delroy Dumbutt and his singing slop monkeys;
if hard work and discipline are really what it takes to climb the corporate ladder;
if a big fat white guy can surpass all expectations and become moderately successful in today's competitive economy,
if an educated man is willing to make a total jack-ass out of himself for fun and profit;
if the last vestiges of decency and humanity can be preserved in an inhuman society.


Thrills!!!
Spills!!!
Flying cars!!!
The destruction of the universe!!!
Environmentalists in Hummers!!!
The redemption of man kind!!!
High tech futuristic gadgets!!!
A midget in a bikini!!!
Militant pacifists in drag!!!
A singing sewer worker!!!
Daisy the talking mule!!!
The decay of western society!!!
A three headed bishop!!!
The compendium of dental hygiene!!!


Will the republic be driven to ruin by rampaging hoards of snake dancers and evangelical flat earthists?

Will the earth, overwhelmed by human stupidity and deprived of psychotropic drugs, spin off its axis at the vernal equinox?

Will the rising price of gasoline spark riots across the western world?

Will our hero find love, happiness, and a place that sells really good sandwiches after midnight?

All this and much much more in next years thrilling episode of...


DUDE, WTF!?!?!?

125,000 skins and 30 pieces of silver.

The world is become ritual without meaning,
religion without faith,
charity without compassion,
devotion without love,
fear without reason,
anger without passion.

We are the paper people,
of use but without meaning,
stripped of pride and purpose,
filling the time without question,
toeing the line without comprehension,
lending unthinking muscle to the machinery.

The world is become spite without cause,
lust without attraction,
want without need,
toil without progress,
famine in the midst of plenty,
a grave for the living.