2013

Well, that happened.

Far from being my worst year.
Far from being the best.

Glad it's gone, and hope the next one is better.


It's amateur night tonight, so everyone try to stay safe out there.

Three Years

Today marks it. 

In just a few hours no less.

Three years.

I don't regret it at all, though I know you were concerned at the time that I did.

I only regret the way it ended.

I would have kept it going if possible, but that wasn't my decision to make.

The rest, well from my end even the bad times were pretty good.

Though they were bad, we were sharing them with each other, and that made them worth while...  At least for me.

I've got a bag of things that belong to you,
sitting neglected in my closet.

Some of it you left here,
some of it I'd meant to give you but didn't.

More than anything I wish you were here to receive it,
but you're not.

You won't be.

You've had opportunity and invitation,
but have chosen not to.

You have your reasons I'm sure.

But tonight I wish you would.

Wish you had.

But that's telling in it's own way.

This last week is the third time you've passed me bye this year,
the first since we started talking again.

But the bag is still in my closet

Three years.

Three times you've passed my home on your way to another.

Three years,
and I'm not worth a detour of two hundred yards,
from a journey of four hundred miles.

And that says it all.


You are no doubt spending tonight in the company of others.

Out with friends or home with someone special.

I can't begrudge you that,

I just wish it was me.

Gotta love my neighborhood.

Ok, so I did not write the following, I am not affiliated with this publication.  But this struck me as the kind of story (and reaction) that can only happen in this area.  Anywhere else in the country and this would be a major news story, here, it barely made it on the website of one of our local newspapers (we have several).
.........................
The actual story can be found at http://lostcoastoutpost.com/2013/dec/21/trashing-pot/

Only in Humboldt…Pounds in the Trash

 Kym Kemp / Yesterday @ 5:43 p.m. / marijuana        

 

(Photo provided by Bob Ornelas)

Pounds in the trash? Does that happen anywhere except the Emerald Triangle? Yesterday, Bob Ornelas, owner of Arcata Construction Services, was at the Eureka Transfer Station when he watched the staff “slice open” some trash bags. Revealing…(drum roll please) pounds of pot.
Every day, marijuana stems probably get tossed at the station but, this time, according to Ornelas, the bags were full of “some very dry, mid level bud” as well as trim and stems. Ornelas described the product as “plants that someone had clipped all the big buds off of.”
Is this a sign of the market glut and the tumbling price or merely the sign of a grower reaching the end of his or her rope with the trimming process?
“&*^&* it, I’m done spending every waking minute cleaning up this @^$@#^!”
…………..
The staff, Ornelas said, just laughed at the contents and then threw the bags out with the rest of the trash.
“At least,” he said, “[the grower] didn’t just throw it on the side of the road.”
....................



God I love this area!

Decuple

Live in the bubble,
regulated, monitored,
losing clarity,
deprived of vision,
flawed countenance,
 'neath nearly flawless crystal lenses.

Lead,
when leading learn subservience.

Feast,
through feasting learn hunger.

Persevere,
in perseverance learn surrender.

Seek,
in seeking learn loss.

Give chase,
embrace stillness at the center of motion.

Have faith,
from faith learn heresy.

Have pride,
through pride learn humility.

Succeed,
may success teach you failure.

Hope,
in hope learn despair.

Love,
and through love learn solitude.

Meaningless Entertainment

Sometimes I think that youtube may be one of the more interesting inventions of my lifetime.

It's the perfect playground for the chronically unfocused and burned out.

I one afternoon I can see the equivalent of a half dozen feature length movies, and a score or more home made music videos, and it costs me only the price of a high speed connection and a computer.

String theory, super antibiotics, bacon flavored toothpaste and youtube...  

Who says our species is spiraling the drain?




On a totally unrelated note...

Question

What do I buy my hyperactive niece for her fourth birthday?

She's intelligent, fast, precocious and has a bit of an attitude...



Answer:

Now she can not only pretend to have her own D-11, but she can vandalize it so it looks like a real one.

Happy birthday kiddo. 

Intelligent Discourse in Modern Society

So every so often I get maudlin and decide to post my first world problems on the internet so that I can get them out of my head. 

I don't just do it here, sometimes I post other places, just for shits and giggles (I love seeing the responses I get on places like craigslist, they're classy as all hell).

So anyway, last night I was feeling lonely and thinking about the low points of the last year, and I posted the following, just to see what sort of response I would get.


"I wish things had worked differently but they didn't.
I know that I've not moved on (in spite of what our mutual 'friends' may have told you).

I know that you say you've not moved on either.

But you've made your choice known.

I know you are someone who sticks with her decisions once she makes them, I know I have no choice but to respect the choice that you made, and I know I have no right to interfere with your life.

I just want you to know that I still care for you.
 I've never stopped loving you.
 Not when you left me.
 Not during the months we spent not talking to each other.
 Not even at my most hurt and most angry.
Honestly if I didn't love you, you never would have been able to cause me pain.
I never stopped loving you, and I'm not sure I ever will.

I just wanted to say that. I know you'll probably never read this, but I wanted it to be said."


I got three (not counting advertisements for online porn)

The first was 'If this is (I'm not putting the actual name here), please call me'.
I sent back a nice message saying that I was not the person she was looking for, but that I wish I was.

The second sent me a message telling me that things would get better.
Much appreciated (and I said so).  I normally don't get so hung up on personal stuff, but being a typical working class emotional cripple I guess it was an eventuality.

The third was a simple 'Fuck u'

This didn't upset me as much as one would think (to tell the truth I was kind of looking forward to getting chewed out, just to get myself back to being human.)  The thing that bothered me the most (aside from the authors apperant inability to spell the word 'you') was the total lack of supporting statements.

I was really looking forward to hearing the reasons for the response.

Ah well, such is life.

Intermittant fever

dizzyness,
a cipro resistant sinus infection (believe me I've tried it),
nausea,
disorientation,
muscle cramps,
shaking,
lack of energy.

Only four days till the weekend.